Who Did You Tap?
by ghost509
Summary: After a night of partying, Iron Man and Hawkeye try to figure out the greatest question to man(and spider) kind! Who did Spider-Man smash?


"Who-"

"Leave-"

"did-"

"me-"

"you tap?"

"aloooooone!"

The constant bickering of his friends was starting to slowly drive Dr. Bruce Banner insane. He sat at the island in the kitchen of Avengers Tower, rubbing his temples as a cup of hot, black coffee sat in front of him. His memory of last night was a blur, just like the other members of the team.

You see, The Avengers had decided to throw a party for all success they have had the past few months. Saving lives, beating baddies, dealing with Tony's constant whining and pickup lines, they needed a break. And what better way then to throw a massive party with alcohol, friends, alcohol, food, alcohol, you get the drift.

Anyway the reason why Bruce, a.k.a, The Incredible Hulk, was being driven to insanity, is because Clint Barton(Hawkeye) and Tony Stark(Iron Man) were currently harassing Peter Parker(Spiderman) who was both hung-over and laying on the leather couch in a fetal position. With Steve Rogers(Captain America) standing behind and staring down at the young teen.

"Ah come on kid, fess up. We all saw you walk out with someone last night. Who was it?"

"Whatever happened to the 'leave the hung-over teammate alone' rule?"

"Doesn't apply to teammates under the age of 30." Tony informed.

"Come on Stark, leave the kid alone. His head's probably pounding right now." Steve tried to defuse the situation. He didn't like when Stark and Barton harassed the kid, especially when he was tired and beaten, or hung-over.

"We're not interested in _that_ head pounding. We're interested in the one that was pounding last night."

"Yes, so if you would be so kind as to, TELL US WHO YOU SMASHED." Barton purposely shouted in his ear, causing a even worse headache.

"Gah! Come on man! Just leave me aloooone." Peter begged as he covered his ears.

"Ok, time to play the guessing game. Who here could our little love bug had trapped in his love web?" Tony asked.

"She-Hulk?"

"Don't even go there Cupid." Bruce warned, before drinking some of his coffee.

"White Tiger, Ms. Marvel, Wasp, a couple of random supermodels-"

"Black Widow." Tony stated playfully.

"Pepper Potts." Clint shot back.

"My little Pepper would never go for a teenage boy, and definitely not a brunette."

"Hey!"

"And, my lovely spy would never go for someone who looks like a stick."

"I'm right here ya know."

"Who do you think Cap?" Tony questioned.

"I'm not in this...but you guys _are_ only thinking about the female possibilities..." Cap tried to imply.

"Ooo. You swing that way Parker?"

"No."

"But he was drunk. People do crazy things when their drunk."

"Barton's got a point...So are you tops or bottoms?"

"If I tell you what I remember, will you leave me alone?"

"Yes!" The two grown men shouted in excitement.

"I remember red. That's it."

"Red? Hmm, at least that cuts down on the options." Tony stated.

"And it adds others. Such as yourself Tony."

"Watch it Barton, I don't swing that way. And if, _if_ I did, it wouldn't be with some kid with spider DNA."

"What about super human DNA?" Clint asked, turning to attention to Steve.

"Um, what?"

"Oh come on. I see the way you stare at each other. A lot of lust in those stares." The two superheroes in question blushed, and refused to look at each other.

"What happened to the conversation about Peter?"

"Cap?!"

"Sorry Peter, think of it as drawing fire."

"But you threw me under the bus!"

"...I'll come back for you?"

"Steve's right, and I'm getting tired of guessing."

"You've only guessed a few times." Bruce pointed out.

" _Anyway_ do you remember _anything_ else?"

"Uh, I-I remember pale skin and an hourglass figure."

"Well, that rules Tony out."

"Hey! I like to think I have an hourglass figure..."

"Gay." Clint coughed, causing Tony to growl.

"That doesn't cross Widow out though."

"Or Potts."

"Or, Ms. Marvel, or Scarlet Witch." Bruce called out.

"Or Tigra."

"Well Tony, technically she's orange."

"Yeah, but when drunk you can mistake one color for another."

"Since when?" Clint questioned.

"Since always!"

"That's never happened to me."

"Because you've never been _that_ drunk. There's a specific level of drunkenness you have to be in order for that to happen."

"Still doesn't sound right. Is it true Bruce?"

"I don't know Clint. Or care. Just leave the kid in peace. Please?"

"Nope." Tony and Clint answered in unison.

"Well by that 'logic' Tony, Cheetah might be another option."

"Not in our universe Cap." Tony informed.

Suddenly, the "dinging" from the elevator could be heard, gaining the attention from every member of the room. Even Peter stopped groaning on the couch, and raised his head to look. The doors opened, revealing Tony's wife and assistant, Pepper Potts. The guys let out their own forms of 'hello', except for Peter. Whose eyes widened and his cheeks turned pink. Luckily no one had noticed.

"Hey guys. What are you-" Pepper cut herself as he finally saw brown hair peaking up from the couch. Her cheeks turned pink as well, something everyone noticed. "He-Hello Peter."

"He-Hey Ms. Potts." Peter greeted, smiling slyly.

Then awkward silence entered the room. Tony and Clint kept looking from Peter and Pepper, going back and forth trying to piece together the new evidence that had just popped up.

"Well, I'll uh, I'll be in my office." She left the elevator and turned the corner rather quickly, leaving everyone stunned. Soon Hawkeye gasped loudly and smiled.

"You had sex with Potts?! Oh that's rich!" Barton started to laugh, loudly and obnoxiously. Tony only grinded his teeth as he glared daggers at Peter.

"T-Tony, I am _so_ sorry." Peter tried to apologize. But Tony didn't pay attention. He towards the elevator and went down, his whole form void of emotion.

"...Well, he took that better than expected." Bruce stated, taking a sip from his coffee.

"Mr. Parker." Jarvis, Tony's A.I, called.

"Yes Jarvis?"

"Mr. Stark wants me to relay a message to you."

"Ok? What is it?"

"Run."

Everyone was confused, until a beam of energy shot through the window and towards the couch. Peter dodged, he would've sooner if his hangover didn't affect his spidey senses. The group looked out the window, to see Star in his Iron Man suit.

"You better run kid!" Tony warned, raising both hands and firing again. Peter yelped and dodged, before putting his mask and gloves on, and his backup, which held the rest of his suit.

He jumped out the window and started swinging away, as Tony started firing upon him again.

"Come Tony! Can't we talk about this over a few drinks?!"

 **(Avengers Tower)**

*Sigh*"Come on, lets go save Peter." Cap sighed, running to his room to get his suit and shield. Hawkeye did the same, and Bruce...continued drinking his coffee.

"Are you going to help Mr. Banner?" Jarvis asked.

"Nope. It's not my day." Bruce informed, motioning to a chart on the fridge. It showed each Avenger, and each had a day. It was titled 'The Save Spidey' chart.


End file.
